


Wish I Was At Home For Christmas

by Joolzmp7



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Army Doctor John Watson, Christmas, Deductions, Epistolary, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Happy Ending, M/M, Past Drug Addiction, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 14:03:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8893456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joolzmp7/pseuds/Joolzmp7
Summary: Sherlock is made to write a letter to a soldier whilst he's in rehab and John is the happy recipient.  Their friendship develops through the letters and they soon find themselves falling in love.  Written completely in letter format.





	

Wish I Was At Home For Christmas

By Joolz

~*~

S Holmes  
See return address on envelope

9th October

Dear Whoever

You are the lucky recipient of my undivided attention for the length of time it takes to write this epistle and then I’m sure you will be deleted from my hard drive. By that I am referring to my mind not a piece of technology before you let forth with your undoubted confusion.

We were given the choice of either writing a letter to a soldier or participating in an extra session of group therapy per week. As must be obvious to you (at least I would hope so), you were the lesser of two evils – barely, it must be admitted, but the thought of enduring even one additional session of listening to people whine and moan for two whole hours could not be borne.

I suppose I should tell you about myself. I am 19 years old and studying Biochemistry and Forensics at the University of London. The lectures are puerile, the professors dull and my fellow students beneath description. I only attend for the access to their excellent lab facilities in which I perform my own experiments.

I am currently interred in this facility due to my stupid brother and his overbearing inability to keep his nose out of my business. I use cocaine in a purely recreational manner to silence the mundane drivel that surrounds my daily existence. I control it; it doesn’t control me – regardless of what these ridiculous so-called doctors here keep trying to infer.

My regards for your continued safety.

Sherlock Holmes

~*~

Lieutenant J H Watson  
Somewhere in Afghanistan

28th October

Dear Sherlock

Thank you for your letter. Our unit was chosen to receive a collection of letters from home and I was lucky enough to get yours so I thank you for the attention you gave to writing it, however, brief that may have been. Do you really delete things from your brain – how does that even work?

My name is John Watson and I am a Lieutenant in the RAMC with the Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers. I am 23 and I did my medical training at St Barts in London before joining the army so we may have trod some of the same earth. I have been over here for eight months now and this is my first posting abroad so it has taken some getting used to. The constant heat and sunshine were certainly somewhat of a shock after being used to England’s wet and grey weather. I do at least have a healthy tan now and my hair is even more blonde with the bleaching from the sun.

I would have to agree with you that group therapy sessions are the worst kind of hell. I was made to go to one after my parents were killed. It was bad enough having to speak to a single therapist let alone a whole roomful of people. I get how some people feel that sharing with others is helpful but I guess I’m just not one of them.

I’m sure your lectures can’t be that bad. The subjects seem interesting at least. I did some Chemistry as part of my medical training, obviously, but I haven’t done any Forensics. It sounds like it would be a great option to choose. Are you interested in joining the police?

Being a medical man, I have to agree with those saying that you really shouldn’t be doing drugs. I’ve seen the outcomes of far too many overdoses when I’ve done shifts in A&E and it would be such a waste of your life to end up like that. You sound like you’re an intelligent guy and you must know how bad it is and how easy to slip from supposed recreation to full-blown addiction – all it takes is one hit and then you need another and another until your last one and it’s all over. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to lecture you there, but I really would like to continue writing to you so any means to keep you alive would be preferable to me.

Well that really brought things down, didn’t it, sorry about that. On a happier note – well, happier for me; I’m not sure you’ll be particularly bothered - we have cake! One of my mates just got a large parcel from his girlfriend back home. He had biscuits, chocolate, sweets and two cakes so we’re having home-made Victoria sponge for tea. You can’t beat a nice bit of cake, especially coffee, out here. The rations are filling enough, of course, but they don’t cater beyond the basics.

Thanks again for your letter. It’s always nice to hear from someone back home.

Keep going with your rehab.

All the best  
John

~*~

10th November

Dear John

I hope you are keeping well.

To answer your question, yes I can delete useless information from my brain. It frees up space for the important things; it only makes sense for me to keep the information which would be vital to my work and to dispose of anything else. It only surprises me that other people don’t also find this a useful tool for precise recall.

I have a map of London in my head and frequently walk the streets and alleyways to keep everything current. St Barts is an area I have studied thoroughly so I’m sure I would be familiar with all your usual haunts. Of course, many alterations may have been made in the month and a half I have been away. I can’t wait to get out of here again, if only to get back to the heart of my city.

I don’t know how well I would fare in such heat myself; I have dark hair and very pale skin, but I am a master at disguises so I’m sure I would be able to blend in as necessary.

I certainly don’t plan to toil as a lowly police officer – boring; and just imagine the paperwork! I have already decided I will be a Consulting Detective. I follow current police crimes in the newspaper and ring in with information to solve the case as they seem quite incapable of doing so themselves. I have not had much support so far, though. They are more concerned about questioning me than following up on my information. Idiots!

I don’t necessarily imagine writing to me can really be the highlight of your day but I will persist if it gives you some small respite. At the moment I am thinking that if not taking the drugs will keep me out of a cesspit like this then it may even be worth it, so I will keep your request in mind. 

I am pleased you got to have cake if that is what you enjoy. I don’t think it was quite such good news for your colleague though, as that sounds like a guilt parcel to me. Severe overcompensation probably covers a heavily guilty conscience. It might be wise for him to check into his girlfriend’s current activities in his absence. I wouldn’t recommend asking his best friend from home though as he is most likely the other party involved. It is common for such people to get together to talk about their absent shared friend and reminiscing easily leads on to consolation and other more carnal pursuits.

Perhaps, if it is allowed in this hell-hole, I would be allowed to send you cake too, if it will keep up the spirits of our daring troops. I will look into it for next time.

Until then, don’t do anything foolish.

Sherlock

~*~

30th November

Hey Sherlock

Thanks for your letter. Let me just say, it is definitely worth receiving and nice to have something to re-read so it provides more than just a small respite.

Wow, you are amazing! You were totally spot on about Tommy’s girlfriend and his best mate. He persuaded his sister to go over and see his girlfriend and she just broke down and confessed. It seemed the guilt was too much for her, just like you said. It only happened once as she felt so bad about it that she wouldn’t meet up with him again. Tommy’s got leave in two weeks so he’s going to meet her and see if they can sort it out. He was pretty cut up about it but they’ve been together for years and he knows it must be hard for her at home on her own. Good luck to him anyway, I’ll let you know how he gets on.

It certainly seems to me, if you can do things like that just from a comment in a letter, that you would make an excellent Consulting Detective. Maybe it would be easier if you had an individual person you could contact and talk to about your insight into cases rather than bombarding the general police switchboard. You might be able to build up a rapport with one person and be more likely to be believed if they see the proof of your results. I’d certainly trust in your skills after what I’ve seen already.

I don’t think I’ve ever tried to delete anything from my head, nor wanted to really. How do I know if I’m ever going to need it again? Maybe if I deleted something today, I might need it tomorrow and then where would I be. It’s exciting to learn new things all the time so I think I’ll keep my memories where they are for now, thanks.

As it will be the first of December tomorrow - can you believe it’s nearly Christmas already? – I’ve sent you a little gift. We wear these when we go into the desert sometimes; they’re great protection from the sandstorms. It’s called a Keffiyeh and when we went in to the local market place this week, I saw this deep red pattern and thought it would look great with your dark hair. You said you were good at disguises so I thought you could perhaps use it if you ever had need for that sort of costume. Maybe you could model it for me; it would be nice to see a picture of you, if that’s allowed.

I’m really glad you’ve decided to give it a try staying off the drugs. It needs to be something you want to do for yourself, not really just to keep out of that place or for me, but if that provides you with any inspiration then I’m happy to be used in that way. I’m sure it would help with your Consulting too; they’re far more likely to listen to a sober, concerned young citizen than just some kid out of his head on drugs.

Anyway, keep yourself well and I hope to hear from you soon.

Your friend  
John

~*~

14th December

John

Friend? I haven’t really had a friend before. I’m not usually the kind of person that people take to. I tend to tell them what I see when I look at them and they normally react by telling me to piss off. You are already the person I seem to have had the most contact with in years and you haven’t even seen me. I wonder if that would change if I were to see you in person and tell you what I deduced about you? Maybe you could send me a photo of yourself and I’ll tell you what I see and then if you’re going to tell me to piss off you can do it now before I get even more invested.

I have to say I was gratified by your praise for my observations made in the previous letter. I don’t think anyone has ever said what I did was amazing before and I found I liked it. Should I not say that; is it too vain? As I said, I don’t really interact with people so if I miss what you consider social cues you will have to inform me.

I have included a photograph for you. I looked up how to correctly wear a Keffiyeh in the brief slot of heavily censored internet access I was allowed, so I hope I have put it on correctly. I would obviously need to use make-up to provide a tan to pull off a proper disguise, but I do not have access to any of my usual materials in here.

Your idea concerning having a direct police contact is an intelligent one, so you have already been lifted above the heap of idiocy within which I am usually mired. I cannot deny that being sober would also make my astute observations be taken more in the manner they deserve so I will consider refraining from further usage until I see how my reactions are received.

I inveigled my brother, on your behalf, to send his assistant to Fortnum & Masons to purchase the largest Christmas cake he could find for you to share with your compatriots over the festive season as you seem so fond of cake. I hope it reaches you in suitable condition and is satisfactory.

May I wish you happy felicitations for the Christmas period.

Keep yourself safe.

Your friend?  
Sherlock

~*~

25th December

Dear Sherlock

Merry Christmas. I am here enjoying a slice of your delicious Christmas cake and wishing I were home, to be there to share a piece with you. It was huge and had enough for the whole squad to have a slice and some left over for me to keep for myself too. It was so kind of you and everyone was very appreciative. 

Thank you for the photo. You look great, very handsome, and the Keffiyeh is most fitting. I was right, that dark shade of red does suit your colouring perfectly. I’m sure that it will work out well for you as a disguise if you should ever need it.

I’ve sent you a photo of me in return, well two actually, as you will have seen. The first was taken back home, the week before I left (I’m the blond one in the middle with the moustache) and the other was taken last month when we had the weekend off duty and went to a watering hole which had been cleared and declared safe to use. Do your worst and deduce what you can from those, I don’t think it will put me off so I think you’re safe.

Of course, I consider you a friend already. We have exchanged letters and gifts and now photographs as well. If you haven’t had one before then I shall be honoured to be your first and I certainly won’t tell you to piss off. I can only assume that those other people didn’t give you a chance to be yourself so it’s their loss. I’m glad that you were pleased with what I said. I think if you’ve never heard things like that before then you have every right to enjoy it without being vain. You really are amazing.

Do you get to go home for Christmas? How much longer do you have to stay in that place, have they given you a time scale?

Wherever you spend your Christmas I hope it is (or was, by the time you get this) a happy one and have a great New Year, too.

I’ll look forward to hearing from you again next year. (It always sounds so weird when you say that, doesn’t it, when you know [or certainly hope] you’ll be hearing from someone soon). Never mind me; just being silly.

Definitely your friend  
John

~*~

20th January

Dear John

I waited an extra week to write to you as I am now free. I was released on Wednesday and have spent the last three days walking London again to re-acquaint myself with the roads and people and feel like I’m finally back home. 

I did get a brief respite for Christmas, although I would've almost preferred to have done without that if it meant I could have avoided Mycroft.

Thank you for the photographs, they were both very informative and it will now be the test of your resolve as to whether you will tell me to piss off or not.

The first photo, from before you left, was obviously taken with friends of yours from university, as you are in a coffee shop frequently visited by students and I can see the roof of Barts in the mirror reflection from the window. The girl to your left is someone you had previously dated but had parted on good terms, especially on your side, as evidenced by your arm on the back of her chair but no physical contact between you, though she still has a look in her eye like she would like to rekindle things. You are obviously a popular, friendly person judging by the diverse nature of the group in which you are sitting, but you are also a serious student as you still have text books in your bag, even that close to your departure.

The second photo shows you have matured in the time you have been away and have obviously seen more than you would have liked. You have wariness behind your eyes, as if you are always on guard, which is understandable given your situation, but you still have a relaxed, friendly manner with your comrades. As you stated, your hair has been bleached even lighter by the sun and your hands and face show that you are not often out of uniform as they far more tanned than the rest of your body so this was obviously a rare day out for you. Whilst the blond hair on your head is very attractive, I must confess I have doubts about the hair on your lip. Do you seriously want to keep that?

You are comfortable in your own body and have no qualms about stripping off in front of other men; indeed, if you were interested, the soldier lying just on the edge of the photo would take up any offer you extended him. I mention this as you are clearly not put off by interest from either sex and were happy to say you considered me handsome without any discomfort and, thus, I would say you are bi-sexual. You also appear to have kept the photograph of me close to you as I can see it inside your hat which is on the ground by your head. I don’t really know what to say about that – is ‘thank you’ the correct reaction? 

You have a sister, a couple of years older than yourself, as you also have a picture of yourself with a girl with very similar features to you in your hat. It’s just you and her as you have lost your parents, though I can’t claim to have read that from your photo as you told me that yourself. You aren’t too close to her any more as the picture is quite old so you obviously prefer to think back to happier times with her when you were younger than to think of her now.

How did I do? Are you tearing this letter up as we speak, never to darken my letter box with another comment? I will wait and see if I receive a reply. If I don’t I will know your opinion and you don’t need to worry about me bothering you again.

Sherlock.

~*~

3rd February

Dear Sherlock

Don’t be daft! Of course I wouldn’t ignore you or tell you to piss off. What you did there was absolutely amazing. You got all that from two photographs? How could I not be impressed by that?

To take the first photograph - That was indeed at our favourite café near Barts – I’m stunned that you could recognise it from that. I did date that girl, Sarah, for two months but we mutually decided we were better as friends so we ended it. I thought she was as happy with that decision as I was, but now you’ve made me question it. She wrote to me when I was doing basic training to say that she had started dating another junior doctor at the hospital so I think we can definitely call time on that one.

In the second photo you are correct about all your observations. I am more mature and wary now than I was. My tan is stronger on my face and hands as that is all that shows when I have my uniform on and it was indeed quite a rarity to have a day off like that. I didn’t realise my moustache was causing offence, I suppose I could shave it off if it’s that much of an issue.

I am comfortable stripping off; I’ve never been shy about my body, and you are also correct in saying that I consider myself bi. I have always been attracted to an individual as themselves and not as their gender. I never knew Smithy was interested in me, he kept that well hidden – well, except obviously not hidden enough for you, of course. I’m not looking for someone else, so you don’t have to concern yourself with him. Not that you would, I don’t know why I said that. I don’t even know what you like.

That is my sister in the picture in my hat. You were spot on with our relationship, too. She is three years older than me and we got on great when we little, but it all changed after my parents were killed. It should have brought us together but she couldn’t cope and found solace in the bottom of a bottle and it hasn’t really improved since so that picture does remind me of better times.

I do also have that picture of you in my hat, it’s true. This is going to sound weird because we’ve never met, but from the very first letter, I’ve sort of felt a connection to you. I’m fascinated by what you can do and the things you say; I’ve never heard the like and it’s all amazing. I like that you were surprised that I called you a friend, even though that’s really selfish of me, because it meant that I was the first and nobody else had ever thought that about you and it made me feel special, though I’m sorry if you feel you have missed out by not having one before.

I stand by what I said in my other letter about you being handsome and 'thank you' is fine as an answer, although you don’t need to thank me for just being truthful and it’s everybody else’s loss if they don’t think that. Hell, you’ll probably stop writing to me after this anyway so I might as well go all in. I think you’re not just regularly handsome but downright bloody gorgeous. I love your dark, curly hair and would love to run my fingers through it. I re-read your letters all the time and keep your photo close to me so I can look at it constantly. The other guys already tease me about it and call you my boyfriend and it makes me smile even though I know it isn’t true. How stupid am I!

Well, it’s been nice knowing you, even if only through your words. I’m sorry to just let rip like that. We lost one of our team this week; he got caught in crossfire and I tried everything I could to save him but he bled out under my hands. I guess I’ve been feeling a bit weird since then. Thinking about what I want and who I want and I’ve sort of been thinking that life’s too short. There you go, a ridiculous excuse for a stupid comment to end what could have been a great friendship. It’s been great writing to you, even for such a short time.

Look after yourself, and please keep off the drugs now that you’ve been strong enough to go through all that rehab; it would be such a shame to back track when you can do so much with your life.

Yours  
John

~*~

15th February

Dear John

I really don’t know what to say, which is unusual in itself. No-one has ever wanted to be my friend, let alone a ‘boyfriend’ so this is all unexplored territory for me. 

I think I like it that you consider me handsome and the idea of having you run your fingers through my hair is intriguing and is, perhaps, something I would like to experience.

You, also, are very pleasing to the eye and I find myself curious to examine the lines of differing colour across your skin and see how the texture of those well-defined muscle groups across your abdomen would feel under my fingers and possibly even my tongue. I wish to fill each of my senses with the knowledge of your body. Thank you for shaving off the moustache, too, I much prefer my doctors clean shaven.

I’m sorry to hear that someone in your unit died. I know you would have done everything you could so there can be no blame attached and you should not think in that manner. I do believe that life should be lived, though, and applaud your decision to go for what you want, even if what you want is – unbelievably - me.

I hope this has put your mind at ease that I will not cease in corresponding. I have also endeavoured to cheer you along with something I trust you will enjoy so I hope it reaches you in good condition. I pointed out to the owner that her new hire was pocketing the cost of one in three of the orders he was taking and she was most grateful and more than happy to make you a special one all of your own.

Yours  
Sherlock

~*~

28th February

Dearest Sherlock

I can’t tell you how relieved I was to get your letter and know that I hadn’t spoilt everything with my outburst. Does this mean I can officially call you my boyfriend now instead of it just being in my head?

I would love to try all those things you suggest. I can’t wait to have you focus your amazing abilities fully upon me. I’m sure you would be thorough in all things, not leaving an inch of me untouched and just imagining that is enough to get me going.

With any luck I should be getting some leave next month as I haven’t had any time off yet. Would you be up to meeting up at all whilst I’m off? It would be nice to properly put a face to your most treasured name. As I’ll only be over for a few days, I’ll probably have to stay with my sister but I’m sure that, if previous occasions are any indication, I will be more than happy to escape at every opportunity, so I could see you whenever you happened to be free.

Thank you so much for the cake. You are an absolute genius: a) to arrive at the correct coffee shop; b) to solve a crime on the spot; and c) to persuade Mrs H to make a cake just for me. You even remembered that I’d said coffee cake was my favourite. This is the exact cake I have been craving since I came over here. I used to have a slice every time we all met up there, which was often, and Mrs H would always save me a piece if she knew I was due in that day. To have one made especially for me is sheer indulgence. Did you try a slice whilst you were there? If not I’ll have to take you there when I’m back and you can taste it for yourself.

I’ll let you know as soon as I find out when I should be home.  
Looking forward to seeing you – if you’re up for that, of course.

Your boyfriend  
John

PS  
I was just putting this in the box to be posted when they came through with the leave entitlements so I can let you know now that my leave will actually be from the 3rd – 10th April. If you are free at any time in that week I would love to actually get to properly meet you.  
I’ve added my sister’s address at the bottom and her phone number if you need to contact me whilst I’m home.

John

~*~

12th March

Dear John

Thank you for your sister’s contact details. I would, indeed, very much like to meet up with you when you come home. If you did not wish to avail yourself of her hospitality for the duration of your stay, you are more than welcome to stay with me. It would give us a chance to become properly acquainted without interference or having to travel for short visits. I only have occasional lectures, most of which I could easily miss as I am well ahead of my course schedule so I would be available for the whole week.

I’m glad you enjoyed the cake. It was an easy matter to deduce which was your favourite once I knew that was obviously your regular café. I could instantly tell what the new employee was upto by watching his expression and sleight of hand as the money was slipped under the till instead of into it. Mrs H, as you call her, remembered you fondly and was very happy to bake a cake for you. I didn’t try some so if you wish to visit her to thank her in person – which I’m sure is something you would do, knowing the type of person you are – I could try it then, I’m sure.

Would you like me to meet you when you arrive at the station? I feel like I’ve heard that is something ‘boyfriends’ usually do, if that is what you now consider us to be. I do draw the line at wearing a feather in my hair, however. I would be able to know it was you even if I had not seen your photograph. Your gait, tan and manner would give you away before you even opened your mouth.

I look forward to meeting you soon. I have included my phone number so that you may let me know when you have landed, as your reply may not arrive before you do.

Yours  
Sherlock

~*~

10th April

Dearest Sherlock

I have just left you at the station and getting on that train and seeing you disappearing behind me was one of the saddest things I’ve done. I know everything is moving so fast and people might say it is stupid to feel this strongly after only a week but it was the most intense week I have ever spent and you are the most amazing person with whom I could ever have spent it.

Seeing your face that first day when you met me at the station was so exciting and exceeded all expectations. You were just perfect and meeting you in person was even better than the thrill on first getting to hear your sultry, honey-toned voice when I rang you to confirm what time my train was arriving.

I loved spending time with you and having the chance to explore each other. You were just as I’d imagined you from your letters and seeing you in action was fascinating. The way you deduced everything about me and then everyone around us when we went to the café was amazing. Mrs H loved you too, so you really scored a hit there. She’d feed you up every time you went in if you wanted to – and you should want to. You didn’t eat nearly enough whilst I was there, though when I had the ingenious idea of using my abs as a serving platter for that cake, you seemed very keen to indulge.

Having your hands and mouth all over my body was delicious and getting the chance to reciprocate was heavenly. Your hair was just as soft as I’d imagined and I loved the little noises you made when I stroked over your scalp as you were laying with your head in my lap. Even listening to you berating the telly whilst you lay there was amusing and when you flipped over and started breathing over my crotch, I didn’t even know there was a TV in the room. 

In fact there wasn’t anything about this week that I didn’t like. You are everything I could ask for in a friend or a boyfriend and I shall be counting down the days until I have leave again and can be with you. I’m going to post this at the station so you will get it as soon as possible so that you realise exactly what spending time with you has meant to me.

Thank you for everything.

Love  
John

~*~

11th April

My John

I can call you that, can’t I? You are mine and no-one else’s.

Thank you for writing so quickly. It lightened what could have been a very dull day as I woke up without you in my bed for the first time in a week.

I have printed off some of those photos we took on my phone over this last week and I’ve sent you some of me as you asked. I’m not sure if they are suitable for public viewing, especially that one you took of me after you had done that thing with your tongue, it looks positively pornographic. I have also printed off some for myself, even though I still have them to look at on my phone, too. I’ve stuck some on my wall so I have a collage of you to enjoy whilst I’m laying here thinking of you and what you did to me. They are certainly more pleasant than the usual images I have on my noticeboard when I’m working on a case, though no less interesting. As you know from experience now, my work is very important to me.

I think I might follow your suggestion of cultivating a contact within the police with whom I can share my deductions. The sergeant we met at that crime scene seemed almost intelligent for a police officer and I got his badge number and contact details so I thought I might use him. It should do wonders for his career path if he will just follow my lead so I’m hoping he will be open to the opportunity.

Mrs H did, indeed, seem very nice, you were quite correct. I went there again this morning as you were also right about that coffee cake; it was delicious. She mentioned that the tenant in her flat above the shop had just given in his notice that morning. I’m thinking of accepting her offer to move in so that we have somewhere better than the squashed bed in my current uni digs when we get to spend time together. She said she would only charge me a reasonably low rent as I had done her that favour of exposing her employee. She also said it was because she could see how happy I obviously made you and that pleased her as you were always a favourite of hers. Would you like that; if we had a place to call our own?

I am also unable to think of anything I would change about our time together except to extend it. I look forward to receiving a letter from you soon and if you are able to instigate any time on the base communication network for phone calls, as you suggested, they would be most appreciated.

Your Sherlock

~*~

27th April 

My Sherlock

Of course you can call me yours, as I will call you mine. There is definitely no-one else, nor will there be for me; you’re all I want or need. I suppose I should warn you now that I am quite possessive and would wish to be the only person for you also, so if you don’t feel that is something you could do then please tell me now.

Heaven – that is where I am every time I look at those photos. You are absolutely gorgeous, Sherlock, and that particular photograph you mentioned is my absolute favourite and the one I dwell on most. The look on your face is just orgasmic – quite literally! – and imagining getting you in to that state again is what keeps me going through these long, lonely evenings. I love the one of both of us that Mrs H took; we, quite rightly, both look so happy and that has been added to my hat. (I can’t keep the other one in there or I wouldn’t be able to concentrate!) I love that you printed out some for yourself too, and I enjoy the thought of you lying in bed looking at me. You should know that is exactly what I am doing over here, too, so we are joined in that if not in actual physicality.

I’m glad you’ve decided to get in touch with that policeman; did he say his name was Sergeant Lestrade? He seemed impressed with how you worked out that it was the neighbour and he got to see the proof of it when she ran off after your deduction so he knows what you do is spot on. Why don’t you ask if he’s got anything else on at the moment that you could look at or if you solve one of those many cases you read in the paper, send him the information and see where that gets you? He surely won’t refuse the assistance when it helps to solve a crime; he seemed quite dedicated so I think you’re safe not to be ignored like before.

I always knew I liked Mrs H. What a fantastic idea. I would love to get our own place, where we don’t have to bunk in with noisy, partying students – not that I’m averse to a party but every night was a bit much, wasn’t it. It’ll be nice to have an actual residence where I can officially lay my hat when I’m home; I was a bit rootless just sleeping on my sister’s sofa. I’m spending hardly any of my pay over here so I’m happy to put all of that towards a deposit and rent money and I’ve included a cheque to start us off. Let me know when you have the details and I’ll set up a permanent standing order. Is the flat furnished? If not, use the money to get some essentials as well and set it up nicely for us. I can’t wait until I can be over there with you again. 

Barring emergencies, I’ve managed to book a slot on the phone on Thursday evening if you think you could be free for that. I’d love to hear your voice again; I’ve missed you so much in these two weeks.

Hopefully speak to you soon.

Love  
Your John

~*~

14th May

My John

It was scintillating receiving your second call yesterday, you were lucky to get two so close together. Any time you can schedule another will be greatly appreciated, day or night, I will always answer you; you know I don’t sleep much anyway.

Who on earth do you imagine I would go with? I told you that you were my first friend and certainly my first boyfriend. If you think I would ever be with anyone else then you are not as intelligent as I thought you were. I must confess I find the idea of your possessiveness with regards to myself quite enticing, though, and have a strong reciprocal feeling. This is all very new to me.

I got in touch with that Sergeant and he let me come down to a crime scene he was working on. He wouldn’t let me behind the tape but he showed me some photos of the scene and I was able to point out something that his team had missed and lead him towards the correct person to interrogate. He texted me afterwards to say that they had confessed and that I was right again so I think he is on board with allowing me more access which is very exciting.

I’m glad you were pleased about the flat and thank you for the cheque. I settled things with Mrs H and signed the lease. Unfortunately, that also meant I had to deign to speak to my brother to release some money from my trust fund and counter sign for me as I am under 21. Loath as I was to make contact it has provided us with our own flat so I even said thank you to him when he left, as I know you would have wanted me to. The flat is furnished and I have already moved all my things in so it will be ready when you next come home. Do you have things in storage that you would like me to get out for you or is it all with your sister? – In which case I will leave you to deal with her; once was enough.

I have set up my chemistry equipment in the dining room and it is wonderful to have the space to work without foolish interruptions from my neighbours. Mrs H wasn’t best pleased about the mess but has proved to be most considerate in supplying me with tea and cakes if she thinks I haven’t eaten for a while, though she insists that she is our landlady not our housekeeper. I think you will like it here, John; I know I do already.

I look forward to our next call. Write soon.

Your Sherlock

~*~

29th May

My beautiful Sherlock

It was wonderful to talk to you earlier this evening and hear the excitement in your voice as you told me about that case on which Lestrade called you in to confer. At least you know now that he will follow-up on information you provide him so you have a legitimate link for your observations and can solve those cases on which the police are baffled. That’s brilliant news for you.

I know it’s selfish of me but I like that this relationship thing is all new to you. It means that you are all mine and I get to enjoy everything about you all to myself. I relish the thought of being able to show you so many new experiences, just as you show me so many fascinating things about the world around us that I have never noticed before. You are quite right in saying I see but do not observe most of the time and I love that you are willing to share everything with me.

I’m glad you’ve moved in to our flat already, it will be nice to know that we have a place to be together and I can think of you there and imagine myself right beside you. I don’t have a lot of things put by. Most of the furniture went to my sister; there wasn’t much I wanted at the time so all I have really are some books and clothes and a few personal items so I can get those from her next time I’m home. I wouldn’t really want to force any more contact upon you than necessary.

I have to tell you that after we rang off I had an incoming phone call which was a bit bizarre. A very posh British voice asked me if he should be expecting a happy announcement very soon and what my intentions towards you were. I asked what business it was of his and he said he worried about you – constantly! Do you know who he was – is something going on that I should be worried about? I didn’t tell him anything about you, obviously, but if you’re in some kind of trouble I’d be happy to help. He knew that we were getting a flat together and everything. Let me know if there is anything I can do.

Well, I’d better finish now so I can catch the last post. I’m glad Mrs H is looking after you and keeping you fed; I do worry about you sometimes. You really must eat and sleep more. I would hate anything to happen to you whilst I’m not there to care for you.

I’ll look forward to hearing your gorgeous voice soon.  
Keep safe my love.  
John

~*~

11th June

Dearest John

Thank you for your letter. I do find myself immeasurably looking forward to receiving every word from you. Even though I have an eidetic memory, and know your letters by heart, I still like to re-read them; it allows me to reassure myself that someone actually feels this way about me of all people. 

You need have no worries about that ridiculous person who contacted you. It was none other than my interfering brother, sticking his enormously long nose in to places where it has no business whatsoever. I have texted him and informed him to leave you alone so I hope he will not bother you again. I knew being nice to him was a mistake, even though I was emulating you. My saying thank you to him over co-signing that lease had apparently shaken him up so much that he wanted to speak to you himself. I soon put him straight and told him that what I do and with whom I do it is nothing to do with him. That might keep him out of our hair for a few weeks at least, I don’t hold out hope for much more than that; he is just impossible.

I have been in touch with Lestrade again over three more cases from the papers which I solved and he passed on the information and has received commendations for his work. He has also been encouraged to put in for his Inspector exams so with any luck, if he succeeds, he will be able to allow me proper access to crime scenes if he is the person in charge of them. That will expand my scope of work immensely and I should have access to untold riches of crimes. You must accompany me when you’re home – we could become a team. Your medical knowledge and experience of wounds and injuries will be invaluable to me.

I’ve bought us a new big bed. After our last experiences with that tiny thing in my Uni room I thought we deserved something luxurious, but now I find myself longing even more for your return. I have Egyptian cotton sheets and all this space and no-one to share it with; on the rare occasions when I do sleep, I feel quite lost.

Mrs Hudson has just brought me up a plate of scones – I must have forgotten to eat again because I was absolutely ravenous and they’ve all gone already. She said to say hello and she’s going to bake you a special cake again soon for me to send with my next letter.

Keep yourself safe, my John.  
Your Sherlock

~*~

9th July

John

Is everything okay? It’s been four weeks without a return letter and not even a whisper of a phone call. I find myself yearning to hear your sweet voice.

If you’re worried about Mycroft interfering then I can only apologise for him and I’ll try to keep him away from you as much possible. Just ignore everything he said to you. I can always set Mummy on him if I need to; though that might be like jumping from the frying pan into the fire as she would be so excited and want to know the ins and outs of our every move. I would do it for you though.

If it’s what I said about buying a new bed then I can just sell it, we don’t need such luxury if you would rather have simple pleasures.

I have been trying to remember to eat for you, so please don’t be unhappy about that. I’ve also been attempting to maintain an adequate sleeping pattern as well to please you, though I must admit that this worry has been keeping me awake more than anything.

Please write back soon or ring me; I cannot stress how eagerly I am awaiting such.

Love from your Sherlock

~*~

21st July

John

Please get in touch in some way – even if it’s to tell me never to contact you again. I’m sorry for anything I may have done to upset you, but please let me know that you are safe.

Please  
Sherlock

~*~

30th July

John

You are missing! Where are you? Are you alive? Please come back to me.

It has been two long months since I last heard from you and I finally gave in and went to Mycroft. He used his contacts to discover that you were the medic assigned to a rescue mission to liberate some Allied hostages. Your team managed to get everybody out but during the evacuation one of the helicopters got caught in enemy fire. In the time it took to right itself and fly off, you got struck in the crossfire - in the shoulder or arm they said - and toppled backwards out of the helicopter, unable to hold on tight enough with your injury.

By the time they called in an air strike to silence the enemy guns and got back to search for you, you were gone. You can’t be dead, John, you just can’t. I’d know if you were dead. Tell me you weren’t as badly injured as they anticipated and you managed to get away and hide from the enemy. Tell me you weren’t captured and tortured and are lying in a hole somewhere. Tell me anything, John. 

I’d give anything for you to actually see this letter. I’ve got to get my feelings out somehow – I don’t know what to do with them; I have so many piling on top of me and I don’t like it. I need you to interpret; to help me; to understand me; to be with me.

John, please. I’ll do anything.

Sherlock

~*~

20th August

John

I bought some drugs today. I didn’t use them. I got home and sat on the bathroom floor, looking at them for so long. Then I thought of you and, even though you aren’t here, I didn’t want to let you down. You were so proud of me for quitting and staying off them that I flushed them straight down the loo and curled myself up on what should have been our bed and cried. Cried for what I’ve lost; for what could have been; for you, John. I’m lost without you. I’ll stay strong though. I won’t let myself give in. If I can do nothing else for you, I can do this.

I love you, John. I love you, I love you. I just wish you were here to hear me say it.

Always yours  
Sherlock

~*~

9th October

My John

It’s one year today since I wrote that first letter. Can you believe it? I’ve known you for a whole year and only seen you once but I feel as if you are part of me, John. A part of me that is missing. I don’t feel whole without knowing where you are. The unknown is just killing me. If I have a mystery I have to solve it but I can’t solve this. They won’t let me come over there to look. Mycroft says he is still checking into everything; trying to find something out but it’s been months with nothing.

I won’t just give up and move on as they are telling me to do, though. I won’t consider you dead. I’ll never do that until someone can prove it to me. I know that you are out there somewhere and I will wait for you. I will always wait for you.

Eternally yours  
Sherlock

~*~

18th December

John!

You have been found. You are safe – well, you will be soon. Mycroft found you. I’ll never hate him again.

He sent men in undercover to infiltrate the region to look for you and they got word that there were a unit of rebels who had a white doctor with them, treating some of their soldiers. He managed to find out that you were captured by the people who shot you down and were being held as a hostage whilst they waited to see if you lived or died. When you partially recovered from your own injury you were press-ganged into helping their soldiers as and when they got injured.

They didn’t want to let you go but Mycroft managed to arrange a prisoner exchange of enough magnitude that they were willing to trade. The deal is happening tonight and I am on the plane now on my way there. Mycroft knew I wouldn’t take no as an answer so he arranged passage for me on the Special Operations Team plane. I will be there waiting for you when you come out, John. I can’t wait to see you.

I know it is ridiculous to be writing to you like this but I seem to have got into the habit of using this method as an outlet for my emotions. Even in your absence you have been my guide in these things. I’ve kept all the letters I’ve written to you whilst you’ve been away alongside all the letters I’ve received from you. It somehow allowed me to keep you close. Maybe I’ll show them to you some day, though I can’t say I’m especially proud of my emotional meltdown.

See you soon, my love.  
Sherlock.

~*~

24th December

My beloved John

I’ve just briefly left your side, whilst you are sleeping for the first night in our new bed, to pen this note to give you in the morning. I wanted to let you know how happy you have made me. To have you back in my arms, in our own home has been all I have desired. Now to have finally achieved that and to have you home for Christmas is all the present I could have wanted.

When I saw you limping across that clearing towards me, I could have wept. It was only the soldier standing next to me that stopped me from running over to you. He said that any wrong move at that stage could halt the whole exchange and they would rather shoot you than let you go so I had to nervously wait until you reached our side.

You looked so thin and tired and your uniform was all torn up showing the dirty bandages underneath. I was almost too scared to touch you; not wanting to injure you further, but even with that worry, I couldn’t stop myself from shouting your name. To see the way your face just lit up when you realised I was there was beautiful. It made all that I had been through worthwhile to know that you were so pleased to see me; that I hadn’t waited for you in vain.

I didn’t want to let you out of my sight when they took you away to check you over and to be de-briefed. I think Mycroft must have stepped in again to smooth the way for you because one of the other soldiers told me that usually they would keep you locked away for days whilst they got all the information from you, but I saw you again only a few hours later. Even that length of time was too much though. I doubted that you were really back; that it had all happened. I’m sorry if you felt smothered by me after that, but I couldn’t let you go again. It was only when I held you in my arms that you felt real.

This last week whilst you have been with me, finally receiving proper treatment for your injuries, has been perfect. Not seeing the pain you have been in, of course, but just getting to spend all my time with you again has, at last, started making it sink in that you are back with me.

I just wanted to say thank you for coming back to me; for not being dead; for just being you. Having you back has made my life complete.

I’m going to leave this under the tree for you and come back to our bed now and hold you tight all night. 

Merry Christmas my love  
I am always yours  
Sherlock

~*~

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy. :)
> 
> Thanks to A as always.


End file.
